5 Strategies for Compromising With Your Partner When Building a Home

5 Strategies for Compromising With Your Partner When Building a Home

We’re not relationship experts, but we’ve helped people through the home building process a time or two. In an ideal world, couples will be perfectly aligned on their styling and design choices. In the real world, people have slightly different styles, preferences, or visions for their new home plans. When this happens, compromise is necessary. Having a plan of how you’ll work out these differences will keep your home building process simple and affordable. 

The fun part is, there is no one right way to build a home. Rather than taking your partners opinions as a personal attack on your styling choices, look at each feature of your home as a decision you have to make together. Then, use some of our strategies to help you determine how you come together on a decision. 

1. Choose Your Battles

By the end of the building process, you want to make sure that both you and your partner love your new home and each other. In order to do this, it helps to choose your battles. After consulting with your home builder, make a list of must-have items for your home. Look at your lists together and see what you already agree on. If you have competing opinions on the same features, then use some strategies to help you compromise. Use these lists to help give you a jumping off point of problems you’ll need to solve together. 

2. Follow the 80/20 Rule

To enjoy 100% your home, you don't have to have 100% of your styling choices. When you’re making decisions with your mate, try to adhere to the 80/20 rule. Overall, each of you should feel that 80% of the home is just the way you want it and 20% of the home is a compromise. Allow some rooms to be 80% your partner’s preference and 20% yours and other rooms will be the reverse. You’ll both still love the custom home you’ve built together. 

3. Think IFTTT

If This, Then That. Once you’ve looked at your lists and identified the items that you’ll need to compromise on, think about the house as a whole. Using the framework of If This, Then That will help you understand how each choice you make impacts your home building project and ensure that you’re compromising with your partner. “If we want to upgrade the master bathroom tub, then we’ll need to lower the budget for landscaping.” or “If my partner compromises on the color of the kitchen counters, then I need to compromise on my choice of flooring for the bathroom.”  

4. Allow 3 Vetoes

Sometimes compromise is hard! Too hard. From the onset of your build, agree on a certain number of vetoes per person. Three is a good guideline, but you can raise or lower it depending on how many things you disagree on when you make your must-have list. This does two things: First, it promotes compromising from both people since they know they have a limited number of vetoes and second, it cuts down on back and forth so you can both move on to other problems to solve. 

5. Establish Zones of Power

One great way to eliminate the need for constant compromise is to agree to disagree before you even start! Establish zones of power by dividing tasks into categories and determine who should be the ultimate decision maker for each category. You can go by area: one partner has control of a specific set of rooms and the front yard, the other partner has control of a different set of rooms and the backyard. You can also go by type of task: You can make all of the decisions about colors and finishes and your partner makes all the decisions about features and layout. When using this strategy, it’s still important to communicate and collaborate. You want everyone to be happy and comfortable in the home, but it’s nice to have established boundaries surrounding who is the ultimate decision-maker. 

Red Door Homes will support you and your partner every step of the way. 

The ultimate goal is to build a happy home for your family to enjoy living in together. The more you collaborate, compromise, and make decisions as a team, the happier you both will be in your custom built home.